Intermission

The curtains close. The lights come on. Gracefully we exit the room and head to the nearest concession stand. Accurate representation of when life comes to a screeching halt. 

Planning is the only way to achieve goals, but what happens when all your plans and I mean ALL your plans fail you? We can fight against the current and try to create our wishes or we can sit back and let nature take its course. 

The past few months have left me high and dry in NYC. Nothing has gone my way. Waiting out the blizzard and praying for a miracle, time begins to take a toll on one's faith. Finally, movement. Not the kind you hope for, a loved one passing. My father's mom, also known as Grandma Lilymae, left us on February 16, 2013. She was 91 years old. Receiving this call so far away from home left me feeling alone and left out. There was no doubt she lived a courageous long life, filled with purpose with a mission for love. It wasn't the sadness that came over me, but the notion of 'WHAT am I doing here and WHERE do I really belong?' 

Surprisingly, a week later I found myself on the Maple Leaf Express headed to Toronto to see my first love (once again). It was as if I was frozen for a month and someone literally defrosted me back into life. 12 hours looking out a window, you certainly reach 'me time' capacity. Contemplating where I am steering my lifeboat, I knew I just had to follow my heart, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. 

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself." Matthew 6:34 

Returned to NYC with no game plan and no good news. Every job I had interviewed for or lead I had received didn't seem to be 'the one'. Checking my email began to cause physical pain. The positive blue skies were darkening and discouragement seeped in. Taking the advice to meditate, I finally reached a conclusion. I am no good for anyone, even myself, until I work on 'me'. Fitness, finance and discipline. Back to the drawing board...again. 

"I am always doing what I don't know how to do, in order to learn how to do it." - Vincent Van Gogh 

Reminded by a phone call with my life coach, CERTAINTY and STABILITY were the basic human needs I have been yearning for. Both needs that have been lacking since I flew the coup two years ago. Stabbing my pride, the best place to find those are at home sweet home. Boarding a plane on a one-way ticket, I was back in California indefinitely until I have found a plan of attack. Praying for an answer, I knew family came first. Immediately following my arrival was my grandmother's funeral. Strange enough it was held literally across the street from my old apartment in LA. Four years ago I resided there with completely different goals. Now I have returned wiser, more worldly and humbled. Looking into the eyes of loved ones as I spoke about my grandmother's character, I began to realize everything I needed was right in front of me. 

The truth is settling down is tricky. There's the group of us, Americans, who decide that path right before (or after) college. Then there is the group that explores their options. We become more informed, curious travelers and start to experience the work force. Realizing the rat race of Corporate America will eventually become a death sentence where we live for vacation days and countdown till retirement. By no means am I sitting on a trust fund or a gold mine, not even close. But I am strategizing how one can possibly avoid that path and build the one less traveled. Wouldn't that be "the fabulous life"? 

Patiently waiting for Act II. The lights dim, the bells chime, we all take our seats and await the next scene. 

The Pursuit of Happiness

Awoken by the call of prayer [ http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Islam/2007/01/Islams-Call-to-Prayer.aspx ], my eyes struck the ceiling like a laser. My heart beat rapidly as I put on house slippers to make tea. Frozen in the kitchen, I began the play by play...

10 days ago I boarded a plane at JFK New York City to the Middle East - Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates to be exact. Hadn't been overseas for 10 years and couldn't even grasp that reality. The destination was not the highlight like most travel. A reunion was in order with my first love who I haven't seen in five years. Knowing this trip could determine my future, I approached with caution and courage.

This morning I will depart back to the states with one single question "where do I belong?"

For the past 27 years, I have been on a journey of self discovery and realized this IS the meaning of life - for you will not get all of these answers out of a single year or experience. Once that was revealed, I knew my destiny was to influence - positively. Whether that be in entertainment, fellowship or a simple social media post I feel committed to building a legacy that is humble and inspiring.

Three years ago I started this blog with a vow to post every week on my experiences, as I shared my journey to follow my dream in entertainment. The point is to reveal truth and let this blog serve as a vulnerable story that other human beings can relate to. Constantly disgusted in the news and reported behaviors by our fellow mankind, I knew the only way to affect change is to lead by example. Never easy or perfect, this blog helps to align my heart with my goals.

Shocking to report that this silly "fab life" has almost 7,000 hits. 10 countries have found my words. My only hope is to spread goodwill one heart at a time. Through this experience, I stand as living proof you can create anything you want - and if you don't know how someone will help you.

Disappointed that it has been over four months that I have posted. The procrastination has certainly created an overwhelming anxiety to avoid writing at all costs. I wanted to share something new and not be redundant.

What could that possibly be?...

Truth be told, the last four months have been some of the most challenging days of my 20's. In a Spark Notes version - it included a trip to the ER leaving me with a gluten allergy diagnosis AKA horrible skin reaction to the most common American food ingredient. Ironic, I went on this diet years ago to attempt to lose weight and quit a week in due to weakness. Surprise! Welcome to a LIFETIME. Ouch.

I completed three more shows for the Brooklyn RAW and decided to pass the torch and resign. Two years producing completed and time for a new leap. Any idea where? Not yet...

Blessed to visit the Hawaiian Islands with my two best friends and sister, a trip that happened to fall at the exact timing of Hurricane Sandy. How on Earth I escaped that mess is beyond me. Gave the praise to God and fab life, then returned to find I was out of work with the entertainment financial company (my second job). The downtown office was severely damaged. Awesome. Return from a trip with no income, no plan and no savings. Amateur.

Always count on the magical world of Facebook. One private message later, my first love was back in my life and the opportunity to be flown overseas for a reunion was in the cards. Naturally, I accepted.

Eager for the trip ahead, reality set in and I began to hustle for random gigs in the city. Always resourceful, I would do just about anything to survive. From Cinderella cleaning to directing an Olympic/Pro holiday figure skating show - I handled my business in order to come home for Christmas.

Here we are in the strange year of 2013. I'll humbly assume the majority of the human race is focused on reinvention. Who are we? What do we want? Where are we going? Our souls are waking up more every day to probably ask us "what am I searching for?" Grand assumption, but over the last year I would average 50 new conversations a month - all suffering from this unknown.

The resolutions can be discussed at a finer hour, but for now I will ask you this. As if its LIFE or DEATH and you could predict the future - would happiness have your vote?

Whatever trial and success may lie ahead, my decision is clear. I choose HAPPINESS.

Welcome to The Fabulous Life. This is not a private party. Join me? 

Tales of a Fat Kid

Sculpting? Harmless chick class I thought. Wrong. You know you're in for it when a group of athletic built hunks are lining up working on their foot work before you can enter the room. Anxiety started to fill my lungs, but I thought "Lauren - this is the case of a fat kid. Do WORK!" A small round buoyant ball was tossed at me and weights were assigned. Suddenly hood rap filled the room and not gonna lie - the gangsta from college in me wanted to come out and play. Beginning to wonder who is the mystery teacher selecting these tracks. Large and in charge, he appeared. I swore my life would never be the same as he put on his head piece and began to scream at us like we were in conditioning for the NFL. Aside from the hip hop throwbacks and the "Ride that Pony" cool down, he selected motivational tracks similar to my man Tony (Robbins). Clearly used for pro athletes.

"Have you ever had a tailor made suit?! Have you ever had a suit fitted?! Perfectly to fit every part of your body! If you have, you know you walk different, move different, feel different! Why on earth would you want a one size fits all?! Why would you want to be the best follower when you can be the BEST - YOU?! You hang out with losers- you become a LOSER! We know more about the people we hang out with then we know ourselves! It's time you start INVESTING in YOURSELF!" 

Just like that the class began and ended in that chant. With mystery coach shouting into the PA system repeating the words, sweat covered my eye balls and my legs trembled to reach for my towel. My brain soaked up the chant like a sponge, never feeling so alive. My thought? Put me in coach. 

The holiday weekend was nothing short of debauchery. Don't worry, I tell my parents everything...just about. What made it particularly special was I got to see 3 grown men who used to be my little brothers. I've known these boys for almost 20 years - can honestly tell you there isn't much we haven't been through together. They haven't always been my biggest fan; they used to pick on me, trade me for the hot girlfriend and tell my secrets. Those boys are long gone, cause men came to town this weekend. Civil engineer, doctor and an entrepreneur; the only thing they could perfect are the wrinkles in those shirts cause hot damn have they been lifting. Honored how I have been able to witness the majority of their journey - to actually see (and touch!) what fitness has done to their confidence was truly remarkable. God bless the women on their arm. 

Then lightening struck. 

A few months ago, I met someone. Tall, beautiful, intelligent and a heart of gold. Honest, ambitious, great family and friends. Huge dreams, aligning goals. The whole package. 

I almost lost this person. Almost.

It was only a matter of time before I could have turned up on the evening news special with Barbara Walters. My former living situation turned out to be a twisted and evil brain washing manipulation that had been going on since I came to New York. Struggling with my business and getting on my feet, that former relationship(s) played on my vulnerability and weakness, using me to fulfill their holes in their lives. 

Several conflicts started to occur at home when the stars began to align for me. I began to feel like someone was taking away my identity and molding me into the daughter they 'never' had. The air I was breathing in that house felt suppressive. I was told they believed in God - but actions speak louder then words. One night the conflict got so heavy I finally called my mom and confessed all the 'weird' things that had been going on. 24 hours later, my arms were wrapped around my guardian angel at La Guardia airport. 

The gritty details will one day be revealed in the Fab Life Confessions, but until then you will know I'm safe, sound, blessed and fabulous. Months ago I could barely look in the mirror, let alone recognize myself. My mind had been warped and that was only the beginning of the truth to come. 

So called Romeo from Nashville came for a visit, lets just say I saw that going much differently in my head. 

Up to that point, I had been 'saved' (literally) from the living hell I was in. RAW was finally walking, almost a sold out show in August and better news was on the rise. Of course it took a person I loved unconditionally to rip my heart out during my biggest night yet in NY, for me to fall to the ground and simply ask WHY?

That's when we met.

They say don't change the world, change yourself. Spending so much time motivating others and helping friends reach their dreams I began to look within. Regardless which Romeo breaks my heart, I am not ready yet. I am not there yet. My biggest issue lies solely with image. It's not about comparing yourself to the magazines, its simply about feeling that you can and always do your BEST. This is my parasite. Maybe yours too? Certainly, there is an area in life we all fall short in.

My sisters nickname for me is Fatty. Luckily, I never had an eating disorder. Always thought it was funny cause the name refers to what a bossy procrastinator I am. When we don't want to do something - we WON'T do it. Our motivation lies so deep within our soul, often we have no idea how to trigger it; at least long enough to sustain. 

Three weeks in with an aching bod, I can tell you it has already done a world of difference, especially to my mind. The commitment I want to encourage is to ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST. This is when you KNOW, you will always WIN, you will always come out OK - laying your head down at night with no regret, only feeling proud of accomplishment is better then any feeling in the world or any person that can love you. 

One day soon, if you haven't already- you will meet them. They will love you unconditionally, push you to do your best, always reveal truth and assure that you are right where you are supposed to be. Search no more. That person is YOU. 

Opinions are like...

"This is a Brooklyn bound R train, City Hall is next...stand clear of the closing doors..." heard on the intercom as I glanced at the outdated yellow and orange seats to select my position for the next 6 stops. The train was unusually calm this morning or it was the first time in awhile I wasn't blasting my iPod to the latest top 40. As we dropped off and picked up passengers at the Union Square stop, two folks entered the train with a loud announcement "Good Morning! Is anybody on this train homeless or hungry...we have food and drinks, absolutely free...please do not be afraid..." The woman totted around a red duffle bag filled with Wonder Bread mystery sandwiches and Capri Suns. The man paced the car train with a white Styrofoam cup asking for donations to help keep the free food program alive.

I've witnessed a number of these train performances, but something about this one was different. Not a soul jolted or illustrated generosity. Something about the performers that was so redundant - as if they were standing on a street corner yelling "EXTRA EXTRA!"  It desensitized the passengers and kept everyone alone in their thoughts.

At this time of day, the train is filled with business class en route to their 9 to 5 or foreign tourists looking to catch the ferry and take a stroll down Wall Street. Common to see passengers reading the news on their iPad, resting their eyes before a big day or reviewing notes for a future meeting. Always fascinated about what everyone must be analyzing...stressing...dreaming...

Dad

You know what I say about opinions!

Me

Yes, Dad. They're like assholes...

Dad

Hahaha...that's right! How did you know? I've been saying that for years. 

Me

No Dad. It's a famous phrase. You didn't coin it. Sorry. 

Dad

Well it's true...everyone is always going to have something to say. 

My dad isn't the phone talker; quite the predicament when you live across the country from your rents. So when he is in the mood to listen and dish the advice I have to call time out. 

Naturally he inquired what's new in my life and I vented over all the moving chess pieces. They are all necessary; I respect them, love them and need them. However, the pawns opinions cloud my judgement and reroute my energy like a nuclear power plant. 

Always making a funny, Dad interjected the 'opinion' sarcasm and then guess what?! Began to share his own...practically sobbing with emotion after he delivered the world's best advice on unconditional love. Never had I heard my father open up about marrying your best friend and his disappointment with our generation. 

Dad

Lauren, would you marry a person where they are now? Or do they need to make X amount of dollars? If so, that is not love. Why do you all have to make it in your careers first? That is part of the journey. You build together, grow together. Many times, life can take a turn for the worse. That is when your relationship is truly tested and you survive it TOGETHER! Look at what your mother and I have been through...never in a million years...

Pondering these thoughts, as I recall a Facebook post "A Hollywood romance is successful if it outlasts a carton of milk." Why is that? Those iconic romances we look up to are mainly because they committed on their way up and were able to appreciate the struggle and sacrifice. Both parties felt needed, wanted and appreciated while they were building the foundation. Once that is solid, all the money, temptation and change couldn't break the bond. 

Dad

There will never be a right time, only the right person. Marry your best friend. 

On the other side of the coin, a dear father friend advised me, "you can't SHARE a life, until you HAVE a life." Words that haunt me on the daily. 

There is no telling "when" I will "make" it or "if" it will happen. Once you have made up your mind what you want, there is no turning back. Nothing else feels right...no matter how sticky the mud, deep the quick sand, poisonous the snakes or scary the monsters...you have to find the way to the castle. You need to answer if the prize is in the castle or did you find it along the way? 

"On July 13, 1925, Walt married one of his first employees, Lillian Bounds, in Lewiston, Idaho. Later on they would be blessed with two daughters, Diane and Sharon . Three years after Walt and Lilly wed, Walt created a new animated character, Mickey Mouse." [http://www.justdisney.com/walt_disney/biography/long_bio.html]

The world is filled with so much knowledge and wisdom. So many mistakes have been made and those on the rise are fearful of making the wrong move. The "coulda's, shoulda's and woulda's" surround us...even on the morning commute on the Brooklyn bound R train. 

The most repeated statement I hear is "I wish I would have..." 

TRANSLATION: If it feels right, it probably is. Take a leap, let God handle the details. Every wish has been planted in your heart - on purpose. 

Life was created to catch you off guard, knock you to the floor and fly you to the moon - just so you will come to realize all you need is a little FAITH. 

Love Struck

Collision (n) : Physics the meeting of particles or of bodies in which each exerts a force upon the other, causing the exchange of energy or momentum.

Life can sometimes feel like the intersection of a Manhattan street corner during rush hour. Four directions, one way streets, honking cars, illegal turns, stupid pedestrians, homeless beggers, sophisticated hustlers, hungry cab drivers - all leaving a visual, emotional and physical impression on your day. 


Take that snapshot and magnify it by 100. Should be a realistic intensity of what happens when impacted by love. Or at least what we commonly mistake attraction, lust, like and infatuation. 


This past month cupid was shooting arrows left and right - even in the foot. You've been reading for long enough to know this is the fabulous life...there are no limits, no extremes - anything is possible. While my professional career is churning like handmade butter, the universe seems to be drawing my attention to other duties...


Innocently and bored at work, I 'speaker phone' dialed the BFF of the male specimen who once swept me off my feet in Nashville. Not sure where that relationship will turn; I am still incredibly fond of the mutual friends who made a home in my heart. Harmlessly, I put the gentleman on the spot as I comically introduced him to my co-worker, who we all know is the high school alumni I bumped into on the set of SMASH only weeks after my NY arrival. Apparently they both were intrigued by the awkward conversation cause the Facebook stalking led to hours of phone conversations and a future Prince Charming visit. 

Where's the romance? Clearly, in New York.

Several sore cheeks and flowers later, I am beginning to believe I deserve a finders fee. Not knowing what I was doing, I felt I was supposed to introduce the two. Lord knows the wedding invitations will need a bladder control disclaimer cause I will have that party in pieces spilling the deets on this novella. 

Also in the news, the former boyfriend of my right hand girl came to visit to proclaim his unspoken love. Funny he decided after 4 months of her moving to the big city, he finally woke up as to what she meant to him. Well, she finally woke up too. She was too.damn.good. A week before his arrival, a roommate's friend popped in unannounced while she was cooking dinner in house clothes au natural AKA every girl's nightmare. Silly soaks, bra-less and no makeup.  Golden in my opinion, if you captured him at the real you - it's only uphill from there. The man turns out to be one of the most incredible and ambitious gentlemen that she has ever met. Timing is everything? I think so. When the former boy came to town it only made things that much clear what she deserved and what she wanted. Mr. Right Now or Forever? Time will tell...

To conclude our headlines, a harmless business meeting turned into a 5 star dinner date with first class car service. Intellectual conversation and inspiring moments led me to remember who I am and what I stand for. A friend told me before I moved, "the problem with New Yorkers is they have no idea the amount of opportunity they have." I captured those words like fairy dust and kept them in my back pocket - never once underestimating a single encounter. One day the fab life memoirs will reveal all details, but for now I can share with you - there is no understatement on this blog title. 


Three very different collisions still working towards 'The End'. What's beautiful is how many decisions must be made by everyone involved to determine their fate. Every party guards their precious heart or in some cases tries to wind it back in like a kite on a windy day. Love can be found in every corner, especially the one you overlook. As fast as it comes it can slip through your fingers. 


Believe and trust you will find everything you ever wanted in someone. They exist, they are out there. Waiting or might even be taken (in which case, do the right thing and respect). There is no telling when your roads collide. There is no guarantee that person will wait for you. If you loose them, you will eventually move on - but just make sure it wasn't the best thing that ever happened to you. 

In every life decision you will change your mind, weigh the pros and cons, have your doubts and certainties. Choosing who you give your heart to will be the single handed most important decision in your life. Regardless how many times you weigh the facts, it will be the most spiritual decision you will ever make. Love is the closest feeling we get to God, cause God is love - He created this emotion just like instinct. These are your secret weapons.

Knowing is better then wondering. If it feels right, it probably is. If it feels wrong, let it be...misery loves company.
 

Stream of Consciouness

5 more minutes. Oh that dream was so good...where was I....shoot! 5 more minutes. Okay, really what I am going to wear? I have to wash my hair, no I could put my hair in a bun. Wear that black skirt, grey top, grey scarf, black flats, okay that's fine...okay really Lauren get up. One day, I won't hit snooze...Shower time...stop thinking. Calm down. Okay let's think...water's too hot. Which body wash should I use? This one, no this one, okay that one. What do I have to do today? RAW, work, call him back...call her back...shoot I haven't blogged...ugh she hates me, I haven't returned her calls...I wonder what he's doing, who cares not important...don't forget lunch in the fridge. Have to tell the family I'll be late today. Dry off...get dressed...what time is it...makeup time, turn on the radio, why do I listen to this station, it cracks me up, but it is so vulgar... At least they play good music, yeah every half hour. Oh my gosh stop thinking, what time is it...ugh ten minutes, great, okay that's it...get your breakfast lets go... think positive. Calories, don't forget. I know it's fine...stay focused. I have a lot to do. You can handle it. Breathe.
What time is it...shoot...Going to be late, I'm always late. No you make yourself late. Why do I procrastinate? I swear this is a sick disease...I want to check my Facebook...no wait till the bus. Okay say goodbye to the family...Alright walking to bus, grab phone...God, I love New York. No, I am addicted to my freakin' phone...so is everyone else...wait to look at the phone for 5 minutes Lauren seriously. Okay waiting for bus, now I can look at the phone...this isn't healthy...Wait how much is on my metro card, shoot I don't remember am I okay, what if I don't have enough, its fine its always fine relax, okay here's my bus...Quick mirror check, my hair alright...yes okay don't stare at yourself people will hate you. I miss driving...Say hello to the bus driver...first seat...no second seat...okay third seat. Pick up your bag, be courteous. Alright back to the phone...la la la, delete delete delete...ugh I hate junk emails, ut oh...what did they say...oh great...okay...another problem, breathe...stay calm. Add to do list. Think. Problem, solution. Deal with it when you get to the office. Oh, I love her top. Facebook check...oh interesting...don't care, please don't tag me, oh that's funny, I miss her, that's cute..okay enough. iPod on, time to check out. God where would I be without music....this city is so beautiful. I love New York. I can't believe I live in New York. Great, they had to choose to sit next to me. Should I say hello. I would rather not. That's rude. It's honest. At least they don't smell. This song is so good. What is it about iPod's and day dreaming...I can do this all day. I swear this driver! Every day I increase my chances of dying on public transit. This is why I should I just get married. So stupid. Your young. Who cares, life is so uncertain, no but you have dreams. Be patient. I wonder what he's doing...is he the one...who cares...not important...focus. Will he move here...it's in God's hands...oh Central Park is so pretty...I can't believe I pass this every day One day I'll have the door man...I love men in suits. Oh nice shoes. I love a man that can dress. I swear 5th Avenue never gets old...dog walkers, I wonder what else they do...are they happy...how much do they get paid...oh I should probably create a spreadsheet for that...shoot I was going to do that yesterday...I haven't heard from...should ask her to do this for me...what time is it in California...1,2,3...okay mom's asleep, I'll text her later. God this bus driver is slow. Great now I have to pee....what street are we on...how many stops is that...1,2,3,4,5,6...shoot. I can hold it...I really need to..I really miss my friends...who's birthday's are coming up...don't forget...why is it when you hold your bladder you get horny..how does that even work...ugh. I wonder what it will be like the first time...or...if...ugh...okay focus...next song....ahh dirty thought...stay focused...I wonder how guys think...is this normal...okay...if only these people knew what I was thinking...ahaha...visual...ahh...I want that bag...I like that in yellow...hope she doesn't spill her coffee...oh how cute...seriously...does he think about me this much...I'm seriously crazy, I'm a Libra...I wonder what they're thinking, he looks stressed...shoot what time is it...ah, yep definitely going to be late...I need to leave earlier...yes you know this...there are so many people in the city...should I grab coffee...I wonder if...oh, don't forget to email...no you can get it for free at the office...that coffee sucks...where should I go...place by the train or place by work...uh er...what time is it....re-apply lip gloss...okay...what street are we at...ahhh I love this song...shoot I have to pee...I should probably stop here...go pee...order...get on train....go straight into work...okay yeah that sounds good...gosh I miss him...how annoying...okay say goodbye to the driver...ahh fresh air...seriously, I love New York...alright work or here...no here...open the door...stand in line or pee first...line, order then pee, pick up coffee and then train...okay...yes...what time is it...

Barista

"Miss...for you?"

 Me

"Hi...small skim cappuccino...yes. Thank you."

Phew. 

My vow was to write every week. It's been over a month. Over 3 months in NYC, feels like 3 years. The insight of the typical AM work week thoughts...my day hasn't even begun.

Consider your stream of consciousness, does it repeat? Do you control your thoughts or they control you?

Welcome to New York.

Angel in disguise

"Smile, we are surrounded by fame" as my new friend and partner in crime James Wells whispered to me. There we were surrounded by cameras and icons while standing on the SMASH set in Staten Island. He quickly adjusted the snarl on my face as my eyes burned from the atmospheric smoke. A week prior we had met on the set of my first production gig in the city - SMASH. I remember when the trailer first played in my parents house in California. I was so thrilled I pronounced- I WILL be on that show. One month later into the city I booked featured background 5 times. Lucky to be amongst some of Hollywood's most respected stars, not to mention a Spielberg production. I laughed at myself thinking of all the times I talked smack on the 'extra' jobs in LA. Here I was, one of them....or was I? 

The 2nd day I worked SMASH I almost broke my neck walking to the powder room. In a room with 200 strangers, sitting down was one of my high school alumni, Sarah. Triple take. My Apple Valley childhood; we were on the same basketball team and had the honor of winning homecoming court. She was one of the most beautiful and popular girls in school. Now our paths cross again. I obviously went to say hello and played a brief catch up. My respect grew for her seeing as she made the venture east. After catching up via social media and St. Patty's shenanigans, I knew there was a deeper reason for this crossing. I was told once before, the German's believe you always cross paths with those (that leave a lasting impression on you) twice. After the 2nd meeting if you don't click, you will never see each other again. Interesting concept, but what intrigues me is that I am a firm believer I will see everyone again. Always mind the past and make things right...who you see on the way up or down is unpredictable. You never know who may be your angel...

Frustrated with venue searching for RAW Brooklyn and the politics that reside, I had come to a cross roads if I had to leave NY or give up the dream and find a day job. Responsibility of the real world was starting to settle in and I knew regardless of the way plan A fell through I was meant to stay in NYC. Without a doubt, the time is now for me here. By the grace of God and perfect timing, the company Sarah works for just happened to be hiring - naturally its in entertainment and just what I need to get me on my feet. Sitting across from her in an office on Friday I giggled thinking how strange life is; 10 years ago we froze to death sitting on top of a convertible as we were chauffeured around a football stadium. Now we meet again in the grandest city of all.

Every single day in New York City is different. Not a single one to compare to the other. The culture, the smell, the languages, the sound, the pace, the weather, the fashion...I can't take it in fast enough. Beginning to believe you have not lived until you have spent even a few months of your life in NY. It's as if you are looking inside a crystal ball of the entire world; being several places at once.

This has been my dream since I was a little girl. To live in the city while I was still single and working on my career. I wanted to walk the streets of Manhattan by myself, hail a cab, eat alone and smile freely while jammin' to my iPod on the subway. Mission complete.

We create our own destiny. Our decisions lead us on different paths - but I do believe the outcome is always inevitable. That outcome is our destiny. I strongly believe God has planted dreams in our heart and through Him we can achieve it. I'm sure others have achieved greatness without belief, but my oh my is it lonely at the top. Love and gratitude are God's genetic code, these are the fundamentals to happiness. Those are the emotions we feel once we have found our right path. We may not receive every gift in the perfect wrapping, but it is always what we need. The wish list will come true, so long as you follow the code of love and gratitude. Who you are supposed to be with, the career you are supposed to have, the family that takes you in and those you call your children. In some way, shape or form we find exactly what we need in time.

Keep an open mind. 

When we are blinded by fear or impatience we often make the wrong decision which only leads us to the inevitable. However derailed, we find the track again and begin to carry on increasing speed. The more centered we are the faster our lives become. We slow down or take a stop because we missed something. Possibly a learning lesson or often a distraction which comes from lack of focus.

LIVING is black and white. There is NO SHORTCUT. When we choose to take them we only are guided back to the starting point. Who we are and who we are supposed to be are the same. The only thing we can control is when we want to start being that person. Although we can not decide what lies ahead we can set our eyes on the prize and never let it out of sight until it rests in our hands. For many that moment may not come until they meet death.  When will you be ready? Can you handle the truth? Are you willing to accept that what lies ahead are strategic struggles and obstacles to help YOU and only YOU learn just how to get EVERYTHING on your wish list?


As if life is a personalized maze; handcrafted and measured flawlessly for you to learn and accept your destiny...we can get lost, want to give up, feel alone or decide to turn around, but rest assured there is only ONE way out. Through the maze.