The curtains close. The lights come on. Gracefully we exit the room and head to the nearest concession stand. Accurate representation of when life comes to a screeching halt.
Planning is the only way to achieve goals, but what happens when all your plans and I mean ALL your plans fail you? We can fight against the current and try to create our wishes or we can sit back and let nature take its course.
The past few months have left me high and dry in NYC. Nothing has gone my way. Waiting out the blizzard and praying for a miracle, time begins to take a toll on one's faith. Finally, movement. Not the kind you hope for, a loved one passing. My father's mom, also known as Grandma Lilymae, left us on February 16, 2013. She was 91 years old. Receiving this call so far away from home left me feeling alone and left out. There was no doubt she lived a courageous long life, filled with purpose with a mission for love. It wasn't the sadness that came over me, but the notion of 'WHAT am I doing here and WHERE do I really belong?'
Surprisingly, a week later I found myself on the Maple Leaf Express headed to Toronto to see my first love (once again). It was as if I was frozen for a month and someone literally defrosted me back into life. 12 hours looking out a window, you certainly reach 'me time' capacity. Contemplating where I am steering my lifeboat, I knew I just had to follow my heart, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself." Matthew 6:34
Returned to NYC with no game plan and no good news. Every job I had interviewed for or lead I had received didn't seem to be 'the one'. Checking my email began to cause physical pain. The positive blue skies were darkening and discouragement seeped in. Taking the advice to meditate, I finally reached a conclusion. I am no good for anyone, even myself, until I work on 'me'. Fitness, finance and discipline. Back to the drawing board...again.
"I am always doing what I don't know how to do, in order to learn how to do it." - Vincent Van Gogh
Reminded by a phone call with my life coach, CERTAINTY and STABILITY
were the basic human needs I have been yearning for. Both needs that have been lacking since I flew the coup two years ago. Stabbing my pride, the best place to find those are at home sweet home. Boarding a plane on a one-way ticket, I was back in California indefinitely until I have found a plan of attack. Praying for an answer, I knew family came first. Immediately following my arrival was my grandmother's funeral. Strange enough it was held literally across the street from my old apartment in LA. Four years ago I resided there with completely different goals. Now I have returned wiser, more worldly and humbled. Looking into the eyes of loved ones as I spoke about my grandmother's character, I began to realize everything I needed was right in front of me.
The truth is settling down is tricky. There's the group of us, Americans, who decide that path right before (or after) college. Then there is the group that explores their options. We become more informed, curious travelers and start to experience the work force. Realizing the rat race of Corporate America will eventually become a death sentence where we live for vacation days and countdown till retirement. By no means am I sitting on a trust fund or a gold mine, not even close. But I am strategizing how one can possibly avoid that path and build the one less traveled. Wouldn't that be "the fabulous life"?
Patiently waiting for Act II. The lights dim, the bells chime, we all take our seats and await the next scene.